Tribute to M'Lynn

Steel Magnolias

I recently played the part of M'Lynn in a local production of Steel Magnolias. I hadn't done a show in about a year and was starting to get twitchy.  It was the hardest I've had to work on  a part in years! I usually play comedy. I usually get cast in broad comedic roles.  Even in great tragedies like Hamlet, I played Polonius, the comic relief, and the first to die. Don't get me wrong, the play is hysterical. Even M'lynn, the straight man, who keeps her emotions tightly under control, has some great comedic moments, but they are dry, and more subtle than most of the other characters'. Then suddenly the play is NOT funny. M'Lynn breaks down and rages against the unfairness of life,is suddenly unable to cope with the depth of her anger and grief. She pleads with God for understanding of why her child's life is over.

First of all, that last scene is a daunting one. I didn't want to do a Sally Field  imitation. Secondly, M'Lynn was based on a real mother, who lost her beloved only daughter to complications from type one diabetes.  Robert Harling, the brother, wrote the first draft of the play in 10 days! It helped him and his family process their grief. I wanted to do this woman justice. I have never lost a child, but I've come dangerously close, and it didn't take much to imagine those drives out to the hospital in the bad old days.

A huge problem for an actor is keeping those emotions available for when you need them, and then being able to "Turn It Off" when you leave the stage.  My favorite acting teacher, the late Tad Danielewski, studied at the Actor's Studio with Lee Strasberg back in the 50's and early 60's.  He endeavored to teach us to be in the moment, but leave it behind once we left the stage. (Yes, it was at BYU and we were all Mormon, except for Mr. Danielewski.)  It is not easy.  For the true method actors it can lead to a variety of problems, including drug and alcohol abuse, and a high divorce rate.  I doubt it's easy living with an actor while he's in character 24/7 for 3 month while shooting a movie.
I loved doing this show: I loved my cast mates, everyone was so good,  I loved the script, but I was never happier to see a show close. It was a relief to not have to keep those tears so close to the surface any more.  I put off learning the monologues to the bitter end. When I did finally learned them, I would find myself sobbing as I practiced, to the point my son came in to check on me to see what was wrong. I managed to choke out "I'm fine, I'm just learning my lines. (sob, sniff)"  I'd also like to give credit to give credit to the Martina McBride song  "Anyway." which was my trigger song.  All I needed to do was listen and sing along with Martina, "God is Great, but sometimes life ain't good, and when I pray, it doesn't always turn out like I think it should." and I would be choked up. I did practice cries on show days, just to make sure the tears were there, hovering under the surface. I used breathing techniques. Like I said, haven;t worked this hard on a role in years. When audience members would come up and say that I had made them cry, I replied, "Thank you, I guess I did my job then."

I want to end though by posting Margaret Harling's Obituary, She died at age 90, and she was truly a Steel Magnolia; a remarkable woman in her own right, and not just a grieving mother who lost a daughter too soon. Margaret, I loved getting to know you.

Margaret Harling

1923 - 2013

Margaret Jones Harling was born on July 16, 1923 in Cave Spring, Georgia. After graduating Cave Spring High School she entered a three year nursing program at Crawford Long Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia and then enrolled in the Army Nurse Corps where she earned the rank of 2nd Lieutenant. After her service she obtained a bachelor's in nursing from the University of Georgia, where she met Robert M. Harling, Jr. and they married on the day of her graduation in 1950.

They had three children Robert III, Susan and John. They moved to Natchitoches, Louisiana in 1966 where she continued her career in psychiatric nursing at the Natchitoches Mental Health Clinic and Evergreen Ministries. She received her master's in nursing in 1978. She retired in 1995.

Margaret was active in her faith as a member of the First Presbyterian Church of Natchitoches as well as numerous charities such as Threads of Love which sews warm clothing for babies in neo-natal ICU units. She also held leadership positions in the Association of the Preservation of Historic Natchitoches (APHN) where she chaired restoration projects and organized children tours of historic Natchitoches. She was a longtime member of PEO and the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Margaret was a loving wife and mother. She loved spending time with her grandchildren Robert, Susan and Jack. She was a talented baker known far and wide for her dinner rolls. Her coconut cake was highlighted in New York Times.

Margaret, along with her daughter Susan are the original Steel Magnolias. Margaret's love and determination through difficult times inspired her son, Bobby, to create the play of the same name. Later Margaret used the opportunities provided by the success of the play and movie to raise awareness and funding for juvenile diabetes and kidney research. Margaret has set an example that continues to inspire many to live a full and rich life.